and keep the story forever

My emotions are transparent this morning for all to see, the look of pain and anguish on my face causes a conspiracy to all those that know me. They can see something is wrong but I cannot express the words to them of how and why I feel this way; I feel muted by my unyielding pain.

It is a kind of depression, a point in which if I dwell in it for too long, tears begin to well in my eyes, for it has been too long since we have been together. I must try to raise myself up from this point of hopelessness everyday, and to do that requires the incessant need to vanquish those thoughts that cause the most pain, to fool myself that I can make it until I see you again, and to find new thoughts to keep those that perturb me at bay.

With only a few days left until I have you in my arms the longing for your touch has become too much for any man to bare, and as I am not always a strong and brave man, it weighs on me that I may one day lack the strength or courage to persevere.

Hence this morning instead of the depressive spiral I have decided to once again find new thoughts to stem that poison that flows through my heart when I am away from you. Those thoughts evolve around thinking of you, but not just thinking about you, concentrating on you\’re every bit, from the way your face creases when I make you smile, to the way your eyes widen before we touch, to the way your heart beats and soothes mine when we lay in bed. When I run my fingers through your hair I hear your every breath slow, and when I squeeze you tight I feel your love envelop me. I love witnessing that energy that burns behind your eyes, and that tranquil calmness that emanates from within you, giving inspiration to all.

And as these thoughts reverberate, the poison starts to subside, the poison starts to hide in the lower bowels of my soul and once again I can feel that I can go on just a few more days, just a few more hours, continue on until that poison starts to consume me again.

But I am unfaithful that this remedy will work forever, and so I need you back by my side, for each time I dream of you, I realise that it is just a dream to make me feel that not all hope is lost, and that the only true remedy for this inoperable sickness is the reality of being with you.

Let the days that are left pass swiftly.

Let the nights that are left not consume me.

Let the love that I have hold me; hold me strong.